Lifestyle Tip | The Ugly Diet

"Is being beautiful a blessing or a state of mind?" 

-Angelina Jolie 

(LOL, just kidding, I made that up just now. Angelina Jolie didn't say that quote. hehe)

Everyone's beautiful, right?
Well, easy for you to say if you're one of those "naturally beautiful types". For those who aren't seen as "beautiful" in the eyes of this messed up society, no fear, The Swedge is here!!!

So, the real deal is, you dont have to be beautiful to be beautiful. Makes sense? No? Okay.
What I'm trying to say is that us adequate looking people, can also cheat in life to make us seem "beautiful", but in actual fact, we are actually our usual normal looking selves.

This life trick is called "The Ugly Diet". I've only started voluntarily using this Ugly Diet since this year but if I had to figure it our earlier, I would of totally used it like 4 years ago.

So basically, The Ugly Diet is kind of like a diet you go on, in which you have to look your worst, so that when there is an event coming up, you will look amazing on that day. So, you don't have to put in that much effort to look "beautiful", you can just look normal, which will end up to trick people into thinking that you look beautiful since you looked extremely ugly before that.

I have used this Ugly Diet for Matricball, Eid, Civvies Days at school and many more. The reason why I am posting this also is because I am currently on an Ugly Diet for 40 days (A Matric Event) at school, and I need to boost a little self esteem since I'm going to be around many naturally beautiful girls with amazing bodies.

For a perfectly healthy Ugly Diet, follow these tips and tricks:

1. Timing: Always start your Ugly Diet at least a week and a half before a special event so that people will remember you as being that disgusting looking potato.

2. Make-up: Take my advice, DON'T WEAR ANY MAKE UP DURING YOUR UGLY DIET. Make-up makes you look beautiful, and that defeats the whole purpose. You shouldn't even be wearing a little make-up, since that enhances your natural beauty, and we want to stay far, far away from our natural beauty during this phase and focus on our natural ugliness.

3. Hair: Keep washing hair to a minimum. Since clean hair is very attractive, we need to keep it on the slightly dirty side. But don't let it be extreamly dirty that nobody wants to speak to you, but just don't make it appear to be clean and shiny. If you hair is clean, tie it in a way that will not emphasise the cleanliness. Don't choose nice hairstyles during this diet. I recommend the "messy bun", but not the cute, 'I-put-in-effort-into-this-effortless-hairstyle' messy bun, but the 'WTF do you have on your head' messy bun. I also highly recommend the 'lopsided ponytail' or the 'IDGAF about my hair today' hairstyle. Try having your hair texture opposite to what your hair will be like on the special event, so if you are having it straight on the event,  try always having your hair curly before and vice versa. But remember the golden rule: Don't make it look beautiful!!!

4. Skin Renewal and Hair Removal: You may shave your legs as per usual, but only do eyebrows and upper lip hair much closer to the time, like a day before. This will make your face look cleaner and fresher, and you want to look fresh and clean on that day, which, the people surrounding you, will interpret it as 'beautiful'. But you actually just removed excess facial hair. Exfoliate your skin also only maybe the night before, dead skin on your face makes you look very unattractive,  which is perfect for this diet. And again, removing it will make you look cleaner and fresher. So your face will be 'perfect' on that day.

5. Clothing: If you are at school and wear uniform, don't be as neat as you normally are. Have your tie a little lopsided, don't iron your skirt or shirt. These little things make a big difference. When not in uniform, I suggest you take a dive at the back of your cupboard and wear old clothes, but try to not go out as much, think of the ugly diet as a method of hibernation.

6. Nails: I normally don't paint my nails, but if you do, I suggest that you don't paint it during this diet, you want no good attention to be on you, remember that.

7. Social Media: Don't post any selfies on Instagram during this time. Even if you think they are ugly, people may see something pretty in it, and we can't afford to take that risk. You may still post your #wcw and #mcm since this will make it seem like you are insecure about the way you look. I also recommend commenting on people's insta or Facebook pics saying something gay like 'omg you're so prettyyyy♥♥' to make those people feel good about themselves so they can get the impression that you are not pretty yourself, so when they see you on this special event, they will be like "damn, girrl". Also, if you do tend to post a picture on instagram, try to at least pick a crappy filter, such as Kelvin, so that people will admire your insta pics even more after the diet has ended.

When you have followed thses 7 steps through correctly, then congratulations! You have your Ugly Diet Certificate!!! And you may celebrate by looking normal again on your special event, whether it may be matricball, a party, etc.
So, don't overdue it on this day, but think of it, you don't have to overdue it thanks to THE UGLY DIET! (you're welcome). So, you can just maybe slick on some mascara and lip gloss and you're good to go! Trust me, this works, you may even end up looking more beautifuller (that's not a word) than those naturally beautiful looking society ass kissers.

This Ugly Diet is extreamly healthy and will boost self confidence and self esteem. I will highly recommend it to any human being of any gender and any age. It's like puberty all over again!!!

Good luck on your Ugly Diets, and please tweet me (@TharaahCozyn) for any further details or advice.

Stay ugly, you beautiful humans :)

-Tharaah.